I sent this text to a friend this afternoon: today is going to be a very good day!
When I sent that, I was positively giddy…fresh out of yoga class and high from an improbable thrift store find involving punch bowl sets, books and sterling silver. I normally don’t shop at thrift stores – partially because usually the idea of used clothing gives me the willies, and partially because since used clothing gives me the willies, I never think to shop at a thrift store for anything else. But today, I had some time to kill before my writing workshop, so when I passed a thrift shop, I pulled in. And hit pay dirt. Five books, two punch bowl sets and a sterling silver and amber ring for less than $30!
Truly in the spirit of finding bliss and joy in the little things in life, I sent that text to my friend and really let myself feel those things in the moment…yay me! Seriously, I deserve the kudos – living in the moment is not my forte.
So I arrived at my writing workshop feeling quite positive and optimistic; maybe even with a spring in my step. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I’m generally not one that anyone would describe as having a spring in her step. Ever.
This writing workshop was hosted by a local published writer on the topic of getting started on your book. I was excited to be there and the other attendees seemed fun and friendly. We were sitting around chit chatting waiting for the last couple of folks to arrive, well past the scheduled start time. The instructor noticed someone walking towards the building with nothing but a notebook, and commenting that surely that person must be one of our missing aspiring writers.
As I looked towards the door as it was opening, I let out an audible gasp the moment my brain registered the recognition. There he was. The man who earned the title “greatest teacher and greatest tormentor”…the former yin to my yang in the “greatest relationship disaster” of my life – past or present (lives, that is).
For anyone familiar with the human physiological trauma response, you know what happened next. In the face of any threat, humans mobilize to fight or flee. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I was actually prepared to fight – my gaze steely and (somehow) perfectly centered in my power and fully grounded. Fortunately, he left immediately…leaving in his wake a shaking, sobbing me and a room of utterly confused and dumbfounded aspiring writers.
Speaking of mobilization, the speed with which the instructor of that workshop was at my side, with open arms, kind words and supportive energy was nothing short of miraculous. Ten minutes prior, we were strangers…in that moment, we were fellows. The gratitude I feel towards her and the others for supporting me through such a difficult situation is beyond my ability to express properly with words right now.
One of the big reasons I started this blog was to write about my experiences with this person. There is so much shame that comes with abusive relationships – I still have gobs of it – but I want other women to know it doesn’t have to be that way, and that they are not alone. I haven’t figured how to do that yet in a way that reflects health, maturity and growth, but I’m getting there. In the interim, I’ll be having a glass of wine and a piece of cake tonight!